Sweet, Dark and Crazy

Friday, August 21, 2009

Just a Tease

I am about as far from marriage as Antarctica is from Alaska. However, should I ever get married; I know one thing for sure; there will be no stripper at the bachelorette party. I don’t want a stripper and I will make that fact made clear to my maid or matron of honor (Deni and/or Tikki).

I had a surprise stripper at my 21st birthday party back in college. Not a good move. Not only was it non-sexy Terry from the 5th floor (imagine a K-Mart version of Chippendales) but I just don’t get into some guy gyrating in next to nothing rubbing his junk up on me. Ewww! I’ll pass.

A few years later, I was invited to a bachelorette party at a strip club in the hood of my home town. Basically, it was a bunch of hard-up big girls slipping dollar bills down g-strings and copping a good feel in the process. Clearly, this was about as close to some dick as some of these women were going to get. Me? I sat there looking like the Black June Cleaver.

Basically, it’s like this. If you are going to be all oiled up and sweaty and rubbing up on me, you need to be putting out. Otherwise, what’s the point? What are we doing? And frankly, some of the strippers … like Terry from the 5th floor … I wouldn’t want to put out anyway. Then, if you are a stripper and you are putting out (I know all of them don’t put out but the one in this example does), and you’re putting out for me, then you are probably putting out for EVERYBODY, and that’s just nasty. I might as well grab a banana out of the trash can.

So Tikki and Deni, if you are reading this: no stripper at the bachelorette party. Hell, what am I talking about? Bachelorette party? I need a date first.

Labels: Friends, Men

posted by SDC @ 3:26 PM

1 Comments:

At September 2, 2009 at 9:41 AM, Diva's Thoughts said…

Oh there will be some slinging "junk" going on!!! That's mandatory. LOL