Sweet, Dark and Crazy

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Things I Definitely Do Not Want to See

I was thinking about this topic as I sat on a plane over the weekend. I like an aisle, it makes me fee like I have at least a bit of freedom. I really lucked out and had the whole row to myself … the middle seat was empty and the stinky, boozy lady that was in the window seat ended up moving to the back.

So we take off, we reach altitude, I’m working on my little puzzle book, and out of the corner of my eye, I see that the woman across from me has gotten comfortable … a bit too comfortable if you ask me, because her bare feet are draped across her husband’s legs and poking out into the aisle. Now, in her defense they were nice feet … manicured, no signs of bunions, or corns or any kind of fungus. But, still, they are bare feet in a public place and I don’t want them anywhere near me, I don’t care how nice the polish looks.

So in honor of Tacky Barefoot Woman, here is a list of things I don’t want to see.

Feet: Allow me to elaborate, bare feet belong at home. They don’t belong in planes. They don’t belong propped up on dashboards or God forbid, dangling out of the window of a moving car. There is a reason why the sign says, “No shoes. No shirt. No service.”

Abs/Arms: Speaking of shirts, men, wear them. Unless you are rockin’ some serious abs of steel with some nice toned arms to boot, don’t try to do the wifebeater thing or the shirtless thing. If you are over 30, the wife beater look isn’t for you anyway. If you have a gut, if you are overweight or if you are skinny with no muscles, you don’t need this look either and I don’t care how old you are.

Ass: I’m still waiting for the low rise phase to completely abate. Remember when showing your crack was an embarrassment? Remember all the jokes we made about plumbers who did that? It’s time to bring back the ridicule for people who show their asses or their drawers. Maybe that thong looks sexy when you are at home with your man but when you’re out at the mall; it’s not a good look. Not at all. I don’t care if you are Meagan Fox, Vivica Fox or if you think you are a fox in your own mind, don’t do it.

This goes for the men too. Pull your damn pants up! No one wants to see your dingy boxers or funky tightie used-to-be-but-not-anymore whities.

Tonsils: I never want to see the contents of your mouth. If you need to yawn, sneeze, or cough, you need to cover your mouth.

Hot Messes: My father told me, “Never go further than the mail box if you aren’t put together.” And our mailbox was right by the garage. People, your appearance matters. You never know who you will run into out in the world … even on your little CVS run. I realize that we aren’t all fashion plates and divas but still take a moment to at least look neat and clean.
Have some self-respect!!

Labels: Fashion, Rant

posted by SDC @ 11:36 PM

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