Here are some things that men have said to me that I don’t think any woman wants to hear. I know for sure I don’t want to hear any of these AGAIN because I have heard all of them before.
"You gotta nice ass.” This might be okay if we were going out for a while and I asked how a pair of pants looked on me and even then it’s a MAYBE. But for that to be some random dude’s opening line while both of us are pumping gas at the gas station, it’s not working. Not even a little bit.
“You know, I don’t normally date black girls.” This has been said to me by several black men and I guess it was supposed to make me feel special. It was supposed to make me feel honored that they stepped down off of White Girl Mount Olympus to deal with me. Well damn. I can sleep at night now. WTF? The variation of this is “I don’t normally date dark-skinned sistas.” Whatever! Any man who said that to me wasn’t dating this dark-skinned black sista either.
"Oh, you’re a smart one.” I got this when I was younger and used to occasionally go to the club. It was usually uttered by some thuggish clown who was attracted to the booty but turned off by my command of the English language. In response to that statement, I would say, “Yes, I am.” And then he’d thankfully be off to the next big booty chick.
“I like full-figured women.” Great. But you know what? I don’t like being full-figured. In fact, I think I’m fat and the fact that you like that I’m fat doesn’t make me feel any better. It just makes me feel fatter. Sure this might be my issue, but still “Fuck you, very much!”
“I think you are very pretty in your own way.” Really? And what way is that? In a freakishly handsome, so-ugly-only-a-mother-could-love sort of way? What the hell does that mean? It ranks right up there with other backhanded condescending compliments like “You’re smart for a jock,” or “You’re such a well-spoken black person.” Huh? Either give a compliment or don’t but quit straddling the fence.
The blog is called Sweet, Dark and Crazy. And I am crazy in a sometimes hysterical over the top way but this shit I’m posting today is just crazy, evil crazy. It’s so crazy that I had to Google it and do some other research to make sure it is true. Tragically, it is. Watch this and share my outrage.
When is it okay to leave a 2 and a 3-year old alone in a house?
Since when does it take two people to drop “some dude” off?
How is it that the fireman and the neighbors can be more affected by this tragedy than the aunt?
Why are they just talking to the aunt and not arresting her and the mother?
How can you have no regrets about your actions when they ended in the death of a toddler and critical injuries on the other?
Food Stamps? Really? Food stamps and a purse? THAT’s her concern?
The three-year old is dead. The two year old is in extremely critical condition. The mother also has a 5-year old who was in school at the time. That child will be in the custody of relatives and the 2-year old will be in the custody of the state once he gets out of the hospital. In the meantime, they found out that good old food stamp lovin’ Aunt Marilyn had several warrants out for her arrest, including one for shoplifting from K-Mart and she was arrested for that.
No charges have been filed at all in this case pending the results of an investigation.
Sleep has been hard for me to come by lately. I’ve always had sleep issues, so right before my health insurance lapsed; I got some Ambien from my doctor. I’ve taken it before, no big deal. However, due to the stress I’ve been under (dealing with the unemployment, having next to know money, trying to work with the absolute idiots at Wells Fargo Home Mortgage to modify my loan), I had been taking an Ambien every night for about a week. I decided that wasn’t a good idea – especially since the doctor didn’t even give me one refill (damn him).
Saturday night was my first Ambien free night. I got exactly 40 minutes of sleep. I stayed up, wide awake watching TV. All night. I wasn’t dozing off and waking back up. I was wide awake all night long.
Here is what I learned”
You Can Cuss Like a Sailor in the Middle of the Night on Basic Cable Channel surfing at 3AM, I stopped to watch Reno 911 on Comedy Central. It was about 3:30 when I realized this was the uncut version on basic cable and they were dropping F-bombs like they were in the middle of a battle. Since when can you say ‘fuck’ repeatedly on basic cable? Isn’t that some sort of FTC violation? I mean, for a few scenes, it was a few f-bombs every minute. It was crazy.
Since the Beginning of Time Rich Men have Liked Cheap Women (and vice versa) That's what the infomercial said anyway... At 4AM, Comedy Central went into infomercial mode and this infomercial was interesting. It was designed to look like a ‘news’ program and the ‘host’ was an Indian guy who reminded me of the Indian Guy who plays the store manager in the Fiber One commercials who has to convince skeptical shoppers that the Fiber One cereal/yougurt is both delicious and filled with fiber.
He’s interviewing a woman who has founded a dating service. It’s not just any dating service though. This one is special. Basically, it allows rich men to meet cheap women … and all for $49 a month. For the life of me, I cannot remember the name, but they showed how happy this one former athlete and businessman was because he was dating several women from the site. Plus they keep the ratio of men to women at 20% men and 80% women. It’s a rich man’s wet dream! Really!
But the best part was the two friends, in bathing suits of course, who “came as a package deal.” They loved being “pampered and spoiled and wined and dined” by rich men. This was followed by talk of threesomes and a sexy romp in the pool with our host. Did I mention, it’s only $49.
It was a long night. Basically, basic cable late night is filled with potty mouthed sit-coms, sexy infomercials and a whole bunch of commercials promising bigger penises, longer love making and all sorts of promises of sexual pleasures!
When it comes to dating, this is the analogy I like to use. It's like finding out about a really good sale an hour before the store is closing. If I'd have gotten there earlier, it would have been great, but now everything that I pick up is either in the wrong size or is somehow damaged (broken zipper, missing buttons,...)
I met two guys last weekend. Typical end of the sale type guys - one was desperate and the other was sleazy. The first goes to my church. He gave me his number as I was leaving service and told me to call him because he 'had a message' for me. We'll call him Charlie Church Guy (aka - sleazy). After church, I headed to Wal-Mart, to pick up a few items. This guy came up to me. He said he was new to Charlotte, and his mother was coming up for a visit. He had a bouquet of flowers for her and wanted a woman's opinion. Let's call him Wally Wal-Mart (aka - desperate).
Wally asked me if I was dating someone and I said I was (and I am kinda, sorta - long story). We continued having a harmless conversation that went from unemployment to visiting local churches to shopping at Wal-Mart. We exchanged numbers but I didn't think it was a big deal because if he got out of pocket, I could easily block his number.
He called during the week and we had nice conversation. Then, he called me Saturday and asked if he could come to church with me. I said he could. I felt kind of weird about it but I said okay. He enjoyed the service and then we went to IHOP. First of all, I have never seen anyone eat so slowly. While he was inching through his omelet, he mentioned that he had mentioned me to his mother SEVERAL times. I don't know what he could have told her about me seeing that he didn't know much about me.
Then, he started really trying to get to know me. Immediately. Like right then. He asked me about having children - whether I wanted them, how many, boys or girls, and if I was open to adoption. He asked all about my family ... what my mother died of, what my relationship was like with my dad, if I had siblings and what my relationship was like with them. Then his mother called and he mentioned me to her while I was sitting there. At this point, I felt short of breath because he was suffocating me. Talk about too much!
But let's talk about too much ... let's talk about sleazy Charlie Church Guy. Curious about what 'word' he had for me, I called him on Wednesday and he told me that God told him that I would 'overcome.' I thanked him for that and we proceeded to talk. It turns out that he had his own business and that there was some good potential for working together on some projects.
He felt he had to tell me, in the spirit of being upfront and being Christian Charlie Church Guy, that he found me attractive. I thanked him for the compliment and tried to move on. I tried to focus on business and he kept trying to make it personal. This is why I know that he's been celibate for the past three years. I definitely didn't inquire about that.
Anyway, he called me last night and things got really uncomfortable. He asked me if I was dating anyone and I said I was. So for me, the line of discussion should have come to an end right then.
But, he persisted. Charlie starts telling me that the 'old' him (pre-church) would try to 'take me from my man.' Then he continues that in order to work with me and not be 'tempted' he'd have to meet me in a public place. Okay, but where else would we have met for BUSINESS? The other alternative would be to send a female associate to meet with me. Now, I've given Charlie absolutely no indication that I would be tempted by him but that little fact didn't really seem to enter into his equation.
Neither did the fact that I had said several times that a) I'm seeing someone b) I wouldn't date someone who I went to church with. Yet, he continues...
He feels the need to tell me that he's not sure I'd be able to 'handle him' because 'he's pretty well endowed below the belt'. And, I need to know this because? Is this the part where I say, forget the guy I'm dating because I just have to experience Big Willy???
By this time, I'm pretty silent. He was doing a pretty good job of hanging himself - talking about your endowment and sexual prowess with a woman who has expressed no interest in you isn't sexy. Eventually, he realized that I wasn't contributing to his conversation. It got awkward for him and I quickly got off the phone (which honestly I should have done sooner but I just wanted to see how far he'd go). Later that evening, he sent me a text apologizing for his numerous inappropriate comments.
Whatever, I don't think we are going to be business partners any time soon. And definitely, we will not be any other kind of partners either.
I’ve lost my father – not to drugs, not to alcohol, not to a religious cult - but to an MLM. My father is consumed by multi-level marketing. You know what I’m talking about. Everyone knows someone who is selling Amway, YTB, Herbalife, Shaklee, Pre-Paid Legal, or something like that. They always want to show you the business opportunity and tell you how you can be your own boss. The products are always the best. And of course, there is never, ever, ever any selling involved, it’s just ‘showing people the opportunity.’ Of course, most of the people who swear by MLM’s are always talking about how easy it is to make money, yet they're never the ones making the money, they're always pointing to someone else’s success stories.
My father started his MLM fascination back around 1980 with Amway. I was in the 6th grade. I wasn’t interested then. I’m not interested now. It doesn’t matter how clear I say it. I can say it in English, in Spanish, in Pig Latin and with some help I can even sign it, but he does not get the fact that I am not interested in working an MLM. It’s gotten much worse since he’s retired. Much worse. It’s all he knows, all he talks about and all he cares about.
He is convinced that I’m the next associate, director, or partner in his latest MLM. You know that guy who accosts waiters, receptionists and random homeless people with his business card and a promise to just take 30 minutes to “introduce you to an opportunity that will change your life?” My dad is that man. Seriously he is.
He doesn’t have a daughter anymore. He has a prospect. I don’t have a life. Well, not one that matters anyway, unless I’m part of the business. I’m his unemployed daughter living on my own in a city with no family and few friends. You would think he’d be a little worried or concerned. I’m living off hand-outs for goodness sake!
He called today. He asked how I was doing … because he knows that is what he’s supposed to do, but of course, there was another reason for the call. The real reason for the call, he wants me to attend a sales training/presentation meeting tomorrow. Just so I can tell him how they do things down here.
Dad?
Really?
This is why you are calling me?
For real?
It’s so bad that if I ever got married, he wouldn’t see my ‘happy day,’ he’d see a room full of prospects. His brother just celebrated his 60th wedding anniversary over the weekend. Because of money problems, I couldn’t be there, but I did call and send my congratulations. My father? He couldn’t find the time to call his brother on this major occasion. But, if my uncle had expressed his interest in ‘the business’ my dad would have called, called again and maybe even made the 14 hour drive down to personally see him.
I'm sorry but that’s bullshit.
What he doesn’t get is that multi-level marketing is a relationship business and he’s ruined not just his relationship with me but with every other family member and friend that he used to have. It’s no wonder he’s always talking about someone else’s success.
Unemployment continues. The assholes at my old job are contesting my unemployment claim so for now, I’m living off of hand-outs. What is interesting is the guy I’m kinda, sorta dating (very long story) has really stepped up. He gets paid weekly and every week he’s giving me money because he knows I need it. Considering my dating history (collectively known as The Cavalcade of Clowns) this is a welcome surprise. What is scary though, is how I cannot even get a call back from a temp agency.
I know Microsoft Office in my sleep and can ace all those temp test in record time, yet they can’t find me any work at all, and I’m registered with four of them. Finally, one of them got me one interview on Saturday. It was to be a greeter at a retail store. The temp lady and I played a full day of phone tag. She finally left the info about the address and all of that, but she left out one very important piece of information.
I show up to the interview and ask for Heather, as I was instructed to do. Well, much to my surprise, ‘Heather’ was actually ‘Hank’ in a wig, whiskers, big-ass man hands with extra-long acrylic nails and some big ole feet squeezed into some black flats. Now in Hank/Heather’s defense, she actually had her act together, was very professional and seemed like a very good manager.
But I was still distracted by the appearance, especially when midway through the interview she wiggled with the wig to adjust it. People who know me know that I have, and this is an understatement, “a very expressive face.” So the entire time, I was working on not looking like I was looking at the whiskers on her chin and the slightly off-center hair.
I guess I didn’t do that good of a job. I didn’t get a call back.
Corporate Shills Are People too ... Assholes But People
We worker bees like to talk about The Man and evil corporations, but after hearing the latest round of workplace horror stories, it occurred to me that The Man is a man (or a woman) and that corporations are made up of men and women. Basically, there are a lot of assholes out there and it’s those assholes and not some mysterious Man or corporation that are making heartless decisions. It’s plain old people.
1. I once knew a manager who made her employees come in to make up for any time sick time they used.
2. This same manager had one girl so scared of taking a sick day that she sat at her desk and threw up in her garbage can.
3. A woman who was a great employee and had about 10 years with the company, was let go for responding to a handful of personal emails. This was not a case of excessive abuse of email but simply responding to the emails we all get about what time you are leaving today and what are we having for lunch. Conveniently, since she was fired, they didn’t have to pay her the nice severance package that she had worked for.
4. A coworker of mine and her husband worked for the same company but different departments. They had a toddler who was always coming down with something. When my friend had exhausted her available time, her husband put in to take some of his time off to go and take care of the boy. His boss declined his request. Her reason, as she stated in the email she sent to him, “That’s what your wife is for.”
5. Two former co-workers were called into the boss’s office and told that effective immediately their pay was being reduced by 10%. If they didn’t like it, they could quit.
I could go on and on with real examples of the things these assholes do, but I don’t think I need to. You get the point. People, especially people with a little taste of power, can be incredible assholes.
What these low-level peons don't realize is that it's the branches at the bottom of the tree that are most likely to be cut and pruned. To those I say, "Your time is coming ... and probably sooner than you think."
The mayor of East Cleveland is a little bit embarassed. It seems that somehow, someone got a hold of some pretty interesting photos from his personal PC - photos showing him in women's undergarments, heels (ugly ones), make-up and wigs.
Does this affect his ability to be mayor? I don't think so. I mean, what you do behind closed doors by yourself or with consenting adults is up to you.
Here's what I dont' get.
Why women's clothes? I hear these men talk about how comfortable they are. Really? Comfortable?
Ladies, how many of us take off the heels as soon as we hit the door of the house (or in my case as soon as the car door slams)? How many of us abhor pantyhose? And let's not forget how quickly many of us are to take that damn bra off as soon as we get the chance.
Add in make-up, skin care, money and time spent at the salon, and the need to shave hair off of the majority of your body and who would willingly want to do this??
I don't think, as a woman, I've ever said, or heard another woman say, "Girl, I cannot wait to get home and slip into something comfortable! And, you know, by comfortable, I mean some 4 inch heels, some panty hose and an underwire bra that pushes the girls up and out! Of course, I'll put on some make-up and spend an hour on my hair. You know, it's been a long week and I just want to sit around the house in that get up and you know watch some TV, maybe order a pizza."
Name: SDC Home: United States About Me: I'm a youthful 44-year old, who is infectiously funny, dangerously smart, wildly creative, hopelessly math-phobic, tactfully honest, occasionally politically incorrect, and cute to boot! See my complete profile
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