 When it comes to dating, this is the analogy I like to use. It's like finding out about a really good sale an hour before the store is closing. If I'd have gotten there earlier, it would have been great, but now everything that I pick up is either in the wrong size or is somehow damaged (broken zipper, missing buttons,...)
I met two guys last weekend. Typical end of the sale type guys - one was desperate and the other was sleazy. The first goes to my church. He gave me his number as I was leaving service and told me to call him because he 'had a message' for me. We'll call him Charlie Church Guy (aka - sleazy). After church, I headed to Wal-Mart, to pick up a few items. This guy came up to me. He said he was new to Charlotte, and his mother was coming up for a visit. He had a bouquet of flowers for her and wanted a woman's opinion. Let's call him Wally Wal-Mart (aka - desperate). Wally asked me if I was dating someone and I said I was (and I am kinda, sorta - long story). We continued having a harmless conversation that went from unemployment to visiting local churches to shopping at Wal-Mart. We exchanged numbers but I didn't think it was a big deal because if he got out of pocket, I could easily block his number. He called during the week and we had nice conversation. Then, he called me Saturday and asked if he could come to church with me. I said he could. I felt kind of weird about it but I said okay. He enjoyed the service and then we went to IHOP. First of all, I have never seen anyone eat so slowly. While he was inching through his omelet, he mentioned that he had mentioned me to his mother SEVERAL times. I don't know what he could have told her about me seeing that he didn't know much about me. Then, he started really trying to get to know me. Immediately. Like right then. He asked me about having children - whether I wanted them, how many, boys or girls, and if I was open to adoption. He asked all about my family ... what my mother died of, what my relationship was like with my dad, if I had siblings and what my relationship was like with them. Then his mother called and he mentioned me to her while I was sitting there. At this point, I felt short of breath because he was suffocating me. Talk about too much! But let's talk about too much ... let's talk about sleazy Charlie Church Guy. Curious about what 'word' he had for me, I called him on Wednesday and he told me that God told him that I would 'overcome.' I thanked him for that and we proceeded to talk. It turns out that he had his own business and that there was some good potential for working together on some projects. He felt he had to tell me, in the spirit of being upfront and being Christian Charlie Church Guy, that he found me attractive. I thanked him for the compliment and tried to move on. I tried to focus on business and he kept trying to make it personal. This is why I know that he's been celibate for the past three years. I definitely didn't inquire about that. Anyway, he called me last night and things got really uncomfortable. He asked me if I was dating anyone and I said I was. So for me, the line of discussion should have come to an end right then. But, he persisted. Charlie starts telling me that the 'old' him (pre-church) would try to 'take me from my man.' Then he continues that in order to work with me and not be 'tempted' he'd have to meet me in a public place. Okay, but where else would we have met for BUSINESS? The other alternative would be to send a female associate to meet with me. Now, I've given Charlie absolutely no indication that I would be tempted by him but that little fact didn't really seem to enter into his equation. Neither did the fact that I had said several times that a) I'm seeing someone b) I wouldn't date someone who I went to church with. Yet, he continues... He feels the need to tell me that he's not sure I'd be able to 'handle him' because 'he's pretty well endowed below the belt'. And, I need to know this because? Is this the part where I say, forget the guy I'm dating because I just have to experience Big Willy??? By this time, I'm pretty silent. He was doing a pretty good job of hanging himself - talking about your endowment and sexual prowess with a woman who has expressed no interest in you isn't sexy. Eventually, he realized that I wasn't contributing to his conversation. It got awkward for him and I quickly got off the phone (which honestly I should have done sooner but I just wanted to see how far he'd go). Later that evening, he sent me a text apologizing for his numerous inappropriate comments. Whatever, I don't think we are going to be business partners any time soon. And definitely, we will not be any other kind of partners either. Labels: Men |
