Sweet, Dark and Crazy

1. I don’t have a penis. Yeah, I know the girl crap can be a royal pain: periods, bloating, cramps and childbirth; but at least I don’t have a part of my body that does what it wants, whenever it wants. I mean, if I’m dancing with a guy, he can’t tell if I’m attracted to him or not. But Mr. Happy always lets you know! I can also pee in the privacy of a stall and not in a semi-public urinal.


2. I have a small car. Yes, people a car — not a monster truck or an SUV but a car. I can parallel park without a problem and I can navigate a parking lot with ease. I’m actually embarrassed for these soccer moms with their gargantuan SUVs. Sure, you got them to ‘keep the kids safe;’ but who’s keeping the other drivers safe from your can’t-park-to-save-your-life-taking-five-minutes-to-back-out-of-a parking-space ass?


3. I might be fatter but I got an incredible rack in the process. I’ve never been skinny but when I was younger and a size 8, my breasts were less than impressive. Now, since I have gained weight, I have cleavage …. actual cleavage and, since I have never had kids or breast fed, the girls are still full and perky! I can wear a low-cut top and have men hold doors open for me. I could go to a topless beach with no problem. Bottomless beach? That would be another story, but I’ve got an incredible rack now and for that I’m extremely grateful. Makes me almost not want to lose weight!

Labels: Random Shit