Sweet, Dark and Crazy

Friday, November 6, 2009

What Not To Say at the Corporate Christmas Party

It’s a week after Halloween and I saw a Christmas commercial! Then, as I’m driving down the street, one of my fool neighbors already has the Christmas lights up. WTF??? So that got me thinking about the Worst Corporate Christmas Party Experience Ever!

The Players
Ron: Super cool, laid-back guy I worked with who had that Jon Stewart-like sense of humor. A really nice guy. (Ron’s fiancée Suzy was there as well also super-cool and laid-back).

Kendall: My boss, super-cool, laid-back project manager who never really managed the project but was cool because he let me run the show.

Lola: My friend and super-cool, laid back coworker.

Joe: Not super-cool or laid-back but more of an asshole and ass-kisser who needed to just come out and admit he was gay because we all knew it anyway.

Jabba: As in short for Jabba the Hutt. The bitchy, rude and abrasive contractor we worked with who was anything but super-cool and laid-back! Plus, she actually did resemble Jabba the Hutt from the Star Wars movies.

So we are at the party, appetizers were over and dinner had been served. Drinks had been flowing for a while and everyone was still nicely buzzed but not much else. We were all standing around, Ron, his fiancée, Kendall, Jaba and I.

Ron makes one of his usual witty comments. We all laugh and then, it happened.

Jabba says, “Ron, why don’t you stick your head up my vagina for about a week and then tell me what you think.”

Of course, this was followed by an awkward silence. And in those few seconds I saw.

Ron, for the first time, at an absolute loss for words.
Suzy had a look that said, “What the hell did you just say to my man?”
Kendall turned beet red.
And all the while the urge to laugh so hard that rum and coke would spew forth from my nose was fast approaching. I excused myself and immediately recounted the events to Lola and Joe.

The moral of the story kids is not to get wasted at the company party. Oh and don’t be such an ass that people call you Jabba the Hutt behind your back.

Labels: Foot In Mouth, Work

posted by SDC @ 2:56 PM

0 Comments: