Sweet, Dark and Crazy

Thursday, January 28, 2010

I Need a Man

I need a man. And, I don’t need one because I’m horny. As long as there is free Internet porn, I’ll be okay. But, I need a man for other reasons. I need a man because I’m sick and tired of doing EVERYTHING my damn self.

Earlier this week, I was running low on oil. I can’t afford an oil change right now (Yes, I am that broke) but thanks to my dad, I know you have to keep oil in the car. So what did I do. I checked my oil level, realized I needed a quart, bought one and put it in my car. Over the years, I’ve also jumped batteries, changed flat tires and dealt with overheating in a car. What can I say, I think dad wanted a boy.

Two days later, I’m in the bathroom and I see what appears to be a bug on the wall. I take it off the wall and flush it. Only to find that the damn bug gnawed a HOLE in the friggin’ drywall. So I ran out into the garage, grabbed the Home Defense Insecticide and sprayed the shit out of the holes, then, in a female McGyver move, I used some cotton balls to close the holes.

At this time I wasn’t sure what kind of bug it was so I went to Home Depot to find out and get stuff to caulk the holes the damn bugs left. So I came home and caulked. Only today, I find two more holes and found a termite in the sink. I’ll be calling termite control businesses in the morning.

I need a man. And I need a man who knows something about cars and houses and all that crap because I’m tired of doing all this by myself. At this point, it would be romantic to have someone that could caulk for me or just kill a couple of bugs. Yes, that would be really nice.

Labels: Men

posted by SDC @ 9:24 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Let It Snow!

We are bracing ourselves for snow this weekend. Oh boy! I grew up in the Northeast/Midwest. We are a hearty people used to harsh cold winters and getting dumped with Lake Effect snow. For the uninitiated, the Lake Effect occurs when weather systems come down from Canada and pick up extra moisture over the Great Lakes and then they dump it the cities on the other side of the lakes. People in Cleveland, Chicago, Detroit and Buffalo know exactly what I’m talking about.

Basically, we are used to snow. We are used to a lot of snow. So I found it quite funny when I came south of the Mason-Dixon line and saw the frenzy people got whipped into at the suggestion of the possibility of snow.

People bum rush the grocery stores in a mad rush for bread and milk. Milk? Really? What's the bread for?

Here is what I need if I’m going to get snowed in.

Wine – I’m in the house. I’m not going to be driving anywhere. So, I have a few glasses of Moscato or Chenin Blanc. Big Deal?

Coke – Because I can’t drink wine first thing in the morning. Sure, most people want water, but this is my personal snow day and I want Coke!

Lucky Charms – I love Lucky Charms! So if I’m going to be stuck in the house, I will need to have a few bowls.

Cookie Dough/Brownie Mix – Nothing says snowy day quite like some hot fudgy brownies or Tollhouse cookies straight from the oven.

Milk – Now the milk makes sense, doesn’t it?

So while other people are home with their water and milk and bread, I’ll be drunk with a serious sugar high.

Labels: Food, Random Shit

posted by SDC @ 7:36 PM 1 comments

Monday, January 4, 2010

Would You Trust These Fools?

I've been living in the South now for three years. Last year, around tax time, I started seeing what is possibly the most ghetto-fabulous television commerical ever created. Was it for a hair salon? No. Clothing Store? Good guess, but wrong. It was actually for a tax preparation service. Yes! Taxes. Mo Money Taxes wants your business. They want to do your taxes. Good luck with that.

Here is last year's commerical. The one that originally caught my eye.

Last year, I looked that video up to send to my friends because I simply could not believe what I was seeing. When I pulled it up on YouTube, I came across this commerical.

Finally, this is the latest commerical. The one that is running now. Somehow I don't think this is what Obama was talking about when he talked about 'change.'

Labels: Television

posted by SDC @ 7:26 PM 1 comments

About Me

Name: SDC
Home: United States
About Me: I'm a youthful 44-year old, who is infectiously funny, dangerously smart, wildly creative, hopelessly math-phobic, tactfully honest, occasionally politically incorrect, and cute to boot!
See my complete profile