Sweet, Dark and Crazy

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Showin' My Age

Shhh! Next month I’ll be 42. Yikes! Luckily, I don’t look it. Anyway, I definitely feel it when I’m reviewing this list. Every year, Beloit College releases their Mindset List for the class of incoming freshmen. Basically, it’s a list designed to let college faculty get a good frame of reference for the youngsters sitting in their classes. This year’s list for the incoming class of 2010 is 75 items long. I’m only listing the highlights here.

Pass the Geritol (oh wait, you’ve got to be around 40 to get that reference!)

Mindset list for the Class of 2010
1. The Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union.
2. Until, Obama, they have known only two presidents.
3. They have never heard anyone actually "ring it up" on a cash register.
4. A coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake.
5. DNA fingerprinting has always been admissible evidence in court.
6. "Google" has always been a verb.
7. Text messaging is their email.
8. Bar codes have always been on everything, from library cards and snail mail to retail items.
9. Madden has always been a game, not a Superbowl-winning coach.
10. Reality shows have always been on television.
11. They have no idea why we needed to ask "...can we all get along?"
12. They have always known that "In the criminal justice system the people have been represented by two separate yet equally important groups..."
13. They have rarely mailed anything using a stamp.
14. They are not aware that "flock of seagulls hair" has nothing to do with birds flying into it.
15. Most of them never had the chance to eat bad airline food.
16. They have always been searching for "Waldo."
17. Bad behavior has always been captured on amateur videos.
18. Disneyland has always been in Europe and Asia.
19. Television stations have never concluded the broadcast day with the national anthem.
20. Disposable contact lenses have always been available.

A columnist from my local newspaper added a few more.

This year’s college freshmen, don’t remember …
1. When dinner didn't come in a carry-out bag.
2. When MTV played music.
3. When belly buttons weren't considered for formal accessories.
4. When tattoos were for sailors.
5. When you would call a customer-service line and talk to a human instead of the mechanical lady.
6. When people laughed instead of LOL.
7. When people, not geckos or cavemen, sold car insurance.
8. When sentences didn't start with "I was, like ..." and end with "you know."
9. When it was kind of embarrassing for your pants to be falling down.
10. When the bank had cameras, but the bedroom didn't.
11. When "Saturday Night Live" was funny.
12. When the Nigerian oil scam was conducted by snail mail.

I’ll add a few of my own
1. They have never had to get up and turn the channel on the television.
2. They have never known life without cable television and just a handful of channels.
3. The Jordache look means nothing to them.
4. They don’t get the musical genius that is Prince.
5. They never had to be home to get a phone call or get a busy signal when someone else was ‘on the line.’

Labels: Me, Memories

posted by SDC @ 3:39 PM 1 comments

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Take My Wife ... Please!!!

George Bush was elected president in 1989. I was in college at the time. I wasn’t much into politics (although my minor is political science. Go figure!). I definitely didn’t pay attention to him when he was the vice president. So when he started his campaign for president, I had one question, “Why is he always with his mother?” Later, I realized that that ‘lady’ wasn’t his mom or the Quaker Oats man in drag but it was actually his wife. His wife!!! Come to find out she’s actually a little bit younger than her husband to boot.

Geez!

Anyway, flash forward to 2010. The guy that lives in the house directly behind me is fine. He’s a tall, built, brown-skinned piece of delectable man-candy. We always talk when I’m out walking the Joester. Anyway, I hadn’t met his wife, but I knew she was a white woman. I had seen a older woman around his house and assumed it was his mother-in-law. She’s nice enough. I see her out for her walk some times in the evening and we always talk.

I think you know where this is going.

Come to find out … that’s his wife. His wife!!!!! What in the hell???

Labels: Writing

posted by SDC @ 6:57 PM 0 comments

Monday, August 2, 2010

Come to Jesus

Since I’ve been in the South (four years now) there is one Southernism that I’ve come to love even more than “Bless your heart.” I’m not sure if it’s really a Southern thing, suffice to say, I’ve only heard it since I’ve been living in the South and the only people I’ve ever heard use it are Southern natives.

When my former co-worker, Bob, who was the head of HR, would have to have heart-to-heart talks with difficult employees he’d refer to those as his Come to Jesus talks. I loved it.

For the uninitiated, a Come to Jesus moment is a time where you have to face a hard truth. In Bob’s case, it was telling an errant employee that they were headed out the door if they didn’t change their ways. In any case, it’s always a sobering moment.

I had my own Come to Jesus moment over the weekend. Now, over the summer, in fact, since the spring, my walking buddy Betsy and I have been hoofing it hard five to six days a week, walking for at least an hour every morning. Of course, during that same time I’ve lulled myself into believing I could eat what I wanted because “I’ve been working out.”

As a former successful Weight Watcher (I lost 40 pounds on the program before getting all depressed and gaining all that back plus 20 pounds), I know it doesn’t work that way, but hey – denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

I had also convinced myself that drying my pants in the dryer was what was making them snugger. My face looking rounder in the mirror was just me ‘overreacting’. None of it could have anything to do with my daily drive-through forays or my weekend munch fests.

Anyway, my Dad was down a few weeks ago, and I was shocked that he said nothing about my weight. Then, I spoke to him on Saturday, and he was "concerned", about my health and carrying that extra weight, something about me having two diabetic parents and all that blah, blah, blah.

The whole thing prompted me to do something I hadn’t done in months. I stepped on my scale. Then I stepped on it again. Then I shouted, “Shut the front door!” (one of several catchy phrases I picked up from an Orbit gum commercial that can replace words that rhyme with puck and pit).

Then, I shut the blinds (lest I inadvertently scare the neighbors), stripped down to my skivvies and stepped on the scale again. It wasn’t much better as I yelled, “Well, butter my biscuit!”

I officially weight 100 pounds more than I did when I graduated college. Now, I don’t ever expect to get back down to that weight. But 100 pounds? Really? That’s one mean Mickey Fickey!

I have no intention of turning this into a weight loss blog but starting today, I will be turning away from the drive through.

Labels: Food, Foot In Mouth, Me

posted by SDC @ 7:02 PM 0 comments

About Me

Name: SDC
Home: United States
About Me: I'm a youthful 44-year old, who is infectiously funny, dangerously smart, wildly creative, hopelessly math-phobic, tactfully honest, occasionally politically incorrect, and cute to boot!
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