 1. Skinny Santa: Yes, I know obesity isn't healthy but, then again, Santa isn't real either (sorry, Virginia). Santa should be fat. He's jolly for goodness sake. When's the last time you saw a jolly skinny person?
2. Super Fake Santa: Okay, there probably aren't a lot of jolly white men with full white beards clammoring to put on a red suit and cater to a bunch of kids; but the long, scary, flowing, bright white, curly, obviously fake (and probably itchy) beards with matching massive fake eyebrows are just too much. This is Christmas, not Halloween. Santa should not be scaring the kiddies! 3. PC Santa: Santa is a fat white man. He is not African-American. He is not hispanic. And, he definitely is not a woman. While I'm all for equality, at some point, you have to say enough is enough. I almost caused a riot waiting to see Santa when I was six. Mom tried to take to me to a black Santa Claus. I told her then like I'm telling you now, "Santa is a white man."
4. Animals Dressed as Reindeer: It was bad enough when the Grinch forced those antlers on Max the Dog in the movie. No dog, cat, horse, hamster or other animal should be forced into the antlers OR the fake red Rudolph nose. It's just wrong.
5. Non-Sale Sales: There is nothing worse than going to a store for a good Christmas sale only to find that they hiked up the original price so that the 'sale' price is still more than I want to pay ("You call THAT a sale???").
6. Crappy Christmas Cars: Of course, we all want to live the dream. We all want to run down the stairs to see that brand new Lexus, BMW or Mercedes in the driveway, wrapped with a big red bow! Now that's a gift! However, if the bumper is falling off the car, if it hasn't been cleaned since before last Christmas, if the rust in the floorboards is so bad that you can actually see the road beneath you, do not, I repeat, do not, wrap the hooptie in a bow. Oh , as I was out and about on Christmas Eve, I came up with one more ... 7. Evil Ass People in Santa Hats (and other 'festive' dress): We have discussed at length in this post, the jolliness of the big white guy in the red suit. So, if you are going to celebrate the 'spirit' of the season with a Santa hat, then be prepared to ACT like you're happy. Don't walk through the store (or parking lot) rudely and with a decidely unfestive scowl on your face. WWSD? What Would Santa Do? He'd be jolly! He'd have the right attitude to go with the outfit. If you insist on acting like a Grinch, then use the green face paint so the rest of us know what we are getting into when we deal with your evil-acting-Santa-hat wearing self. Labels: Random Shit, Rant |
