Sweet, Dark and Crazy

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Perfect Ending!

A lot of women spend a lot of time planning their weddings. I used to do that but I don’t anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever get married … but I do know that I’m going to die. So, in my mind, I’ve started planning my funeral.

With that in mind, yesterday, I watched the funeral of Elizabeth Edwards. She had a great turnout and some truly heart-felt eulogies from several friends and her eldest daughter Cate. As funerals go, it was damn good … that is … until … the woman at the piano started singing Amazing Grace. I was horrified!

This woman wailed, shouted and ran out of runs singing this song. It was too much. It was WAY too much. I don’t want any overly gospelized versions of any song at my funeral. Anyone who allows that crap to happen can rest assured that I will haunt the hell out of them. For real!

Here’s what I want.

A few eulogies about what a warm, funny and giving person I was.
A full face of tastefully applied makeup
A nice suit (preferably red, but black would be okay)
Hair done (a tasteful bun could work too)
Music: Going Up Yonder (without the excessive gospel histrionics)
Music: as they are carrying me out – Long and Winding Road and Weight – by The Beatles. That’s right by The Beatles. Play the CD, don’t dare let anyone sing it.

I tried to find the clip from the funeral but I couldn’t (which is probably a good thing). Here instead is The Simpsons own Bleeding Gums Murphy doing his painfully protracted rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. This is an example of what NOT to do people. (Click here!)

Labels: Random Shit

posted by SDC @ 4:40 PM

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