Sweet, Dark and Crazy

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Weiner's Wiener

As a single girl, I live in fear of falling in love with a wonderful man with a terrible last name: Focker, Lipshitz, Sweats, or Butts. So I cringe every time I hear the story of Anthony Weiner. Weiner, a member of Congress, was enthusiastically showing his member to a young girl via Twitter. Now, it comes out that the married Congressman is sharing other photos with women on Facebook.

He swears he never had sexual relations with any of those women. My guess is that the pictures didn’t really help his cause. First of all, most women need more than a photo of a penis to get aroused and that particular penis isn’t anything to get excited about. The photo of his chest didn’t send me panting either.

So for the sake of stupid politicians, preachers, professional athletes and others in the public eye, here are some things not to do.

Take and Send Photos of Yourself
Sending lewd photos of yourself is stupid. Yes, I’m talking to you Bishop Eddie Long and Representative Weiner. If you are going to send some photos … be photo ready. Eddie Long was kinda buff ... but kinda not buff. Ergo, he should not send photos to other dudes, especially while wearing spandex. It’s just in bad taste.

Weiner would have been more impressive if his wiener had been a foot-long or at least a bun-length. While we are talking about Weiner’s wiener, if you are going to show the hot dog, show the hot dog! What was up with the tightie whities? With all the trouble this photo has cost him, he should have gone Full Monty!

Making a Sex Tape
Worse than photos. Unless you are attempting to enter the porn industry, a la Montana Fishburne, don’t be surprised when your ‘private’ video gets ‘leaked’ to the public. What did you expect? From Kim K to John Edwards, it’s going to get into the wrong hands. It’s not a matter of if but when. And don’t pull an R. Kelly and do some illegal stuff (sex with an underage girl) and film it. Ridiculous! Even more ridiculous than filming yourself in a bunch of unflattering positions, sans airbrushing, is the fake surprise and outrage from the celebrity when the video surfaces.

Scandalous Use of Social Media
Not a week goes by when we don’t hear of someone getting fired or starting off some sort of drama because of a Facebook post or an ill-advised tweet. I don’t get it. Is Facebook that addicting that you have to post your every thought, from major life choices to lunch choices online? It takes a conscious effort to post or send a pic or update your status but never does anyone stop and think, “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

Sexting and Emailing
Tiger, Ashton and Brett Favre know about this one. The jump-offs and skanks these guys are hooking up with are keeping those tawdry texts and sexy messages. Once the scandal breaks, they’ll be taking their cell phones and emails directly to Gloria Allred who will find something to sue somebody for.

Lying
After being dumb enough to take the pictures, write the emails, send the texts or make the video … basically creating their own evidence trail, these foolish celebs will turn around and lie about it. Dumb Asses! They’ll stand in front of a crowd of reporters and lie about it. They will get caught. Hell, by the time the press conference is called, they are already busted! So fess up. Own the ignorance. Embrace it. These scandals last two and three times as long as they should because the press loves to expose a lie.

Unfortunately, like Viagra, I think the story about Weiner’s wiener is going to last a little longer before it goes flaccid.

Labels: Men, Politics, Rant

posted by SDC @ 7:34 PM

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