I take salsa class every Tuesday and I take the train to get
there. Riding the train confirms every negative stereotype I’ve ever heard
about my people. They are loud. They are ghetto. You don’t want to hear it and
you try to argue it down but on the train, they prove it true. I’ve seen a
countless number of young men with their pants sagging and their faded colored
or dingy white streaked drawers proudly on display. I’ve heard the loud-talking
foul-mouthed young ladies who think their crassness is cool.
 |
Why pay $50 for a Bluetooth when all you
need is a big rubber band ... and you know you
can get one for free from the office supply
closet at work! |
So last night, I’m on my way back from class. Half way
through the 20 minute ride, this guy starts shouting. I turn around to see a
guy yelling obscenities and threats into his flip phone. As I look around the
train, all of us are looking at him. He, apparently, doesn’t see us as he
continues his loud rant in front of women and children, riding the train is
proof positive that chivalry is dead.
Midway through the rant, this loud ghetto-fabulous man yells
into his phone “You need to stop acting so damn ghetto!” Wow. Talk about the
pot calling the kettle black. This man who’s clearly using his angry ‘outside’
voice inside the otherwise quiet train, was the very personification of ghetto.
Then again, I guess it takes one to know one.
It did get me to thinking. Everyone is on their phone all of
time. A lot of people have forgotten that being on the phone in public means
that the public is hearing your conversations. There are some conversations
that should remain private. Of course, conversations that involve yelling and
cursing probably shouldn’t be done in public or in the car for that matter. I
have seen angry people obviously cussing somebody out on the phone and swerving
all over the road as they do.
So here are five conversations that you might not want to
have in front of an audience.
- Illness: No one wants to hear about how you or your child
were up hurling half-digested Chuck E. Cheese pizza or about how your diarrhea was
splattering and splashing all over the toilet.
- Sex Talk: No one wants to hear about your weekend exploits
with the drunk twins you left the bar with (okay, some men might be interested,
but still…). No one wants to hear your sexual banter and about what you are
going to do to whoever when you get off the train and get home.
- Sex Photos: Okay, and if you are in close proximity to other
people, it probably isn’t the best time to review your gallery of penises,
camel toes and bare boobs and bottoms. Again, some men standing next to you might
be interested, but still….
- Money: You don’t know who is standing around you. While you
are giving your credit card number, someone could be texting it to themselves.
A few days later, there are a number of inexplicable charges to Hooters,
massage parlors and sex shops. You are going to have a lot of explaining to do!
- Crime: There are a number of stupid criminals. They
videotape their exploits. They brag about their illegal behavior on Facebook
and they usually get caught. If you are engaged in illegal activities, maybe
you shouldn’t be planning them or bragging about them loudly on a phone around
perfect strangers. Then again, like I said, there are a number of stupid
criminals.
Bonus Topic: Gossip. Yes it’s fun to talk about other people
and voice your negative opinions of them. However, you don’t really know who is
standing around you. A few years ago, a friend and I went to a big event
downtown. As we were waiting for the train, in a packed crowd, I glanced at the
woman standing next to me. I quickly glanced again. “Aunt Ellen?” I asked. “SDC?”
she said. My aunt and I don’t even live in the same city but she came into town
for the event. How awkward would it have been if I’d have been loud on the
phone complaining about my dad (her brother) or something my crazy aunt (her
sister) did. Of course, if I was talking about my crazy aunt, she probably
would have understood. The heifer is crazy.
|
