Sweet, Dark and Crazy

Monday, August 10, 2009

I'm Not a Parent So...

I don’t have kids; but I often wonder, if I did, would I be able to view them objectively or would everything be colored with a big ole pair of ruby red rose-colored glasses.

Take for instance, American Idol. It amazes me when I see all those people, many with parents in tow, who are hoping to be the next American Idol. Then they get in front of the judges, open their mouths, and dogs in neighboring communities begin to howl! They're terrible! Yet, their parents stand outside with crossed fingers hoping to see that yellow ticket.

Come on. You mean to tell me that they didn’t know their child was tone deaf. You mean, it never occurred to them that the kid could carry a 100 lb bag of fertilizer farther than he could carry a note?

Then, we have the parents who give their children ‘vanity’ names: Precious, Beautiful, Pretti, and so on. Looking at that little angelic face after 9 months of pregnancy and countless hours of hard and painful labor, I’m sure the kid really does look beautiful; but fast forward 7, 14 or 30 years later and it could be a completely different story.

Back in the day, I spent a hellish year as a substitute teacher. I remember trying hard not to get that shocked look on my face when calling the name 'Cutie Jones' during attendance. In the back row, the unkept, smelly girl with the perpetual scowl on her face and the unmistakable and off-putting masculine air about her raises her hand. She's no cutie - not even close.

Don’t these parents know what they are setting their kids up for when they name them? Think about it, when you think about beautiful women, you think of names like: Halle, Angelina, and Tyra. Notice you don’t hear of any of gorgeous women named Gorgeous.

Could it be possible that they are just blinded by parental love? Maybe those ruby red rose-colored glasses keep them from seeing the truth. Is this the case when Mommy’s Little Angel acts like a Hell Cat on Wheels? She simply can't believe that her little chunk of Heaven on Earth could ever act like the Devil's Spawn. In fact, at the parent teacher conference, Mom gets mad at the teacher when she's told that her adorable, angelic offspring put the class guinea pig in the microwave.

I guess that's what they mean when they say, "It's a face only a mother could love." Because your mom will love you regardless of what you look like, sound like and act like.

Labels: Family

posted by SDC @ 7:33 AM

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