Sweet, Dark and Crazy

Thursday, June 30, 2011

He's a Freakin' Dog!!!

So Joey recently celebrated his 12th birthday … which makes him 64 in dog years … NOT 84 (check out the dog age calculator). Anyway, he’s in good health to look at him. He still runs and jumps and get around with no problem.

However he was diagnosed about four years ago with a disease called Cushing’s. It’s a chronic condition he’ll have for the rest of his life. Lucky for him, it doesn’t cause any pain or discomfort. It is though, an expensive disease to treat. Blood work can cost upwards of $300 and let’s not talk about the medicine! On second thought, let’s talk about the medicine!

When we started, it was $43. Then, while getting a refill, last year, it went up to $59. Today, I go to pick up the prescription and it’s $89. Eighty nine freakin’ dollars for the dog’s Rx! What the hell! He has ‘pet insurance’ but it doesn’t cover prescriptions. Did I mention, I just paid, eighty nine freakin’ dollars for the dog’s Rx?

When I got back to work, I looked up the medicine on 1-800 Pet Meds and they had a bottle for $9.99! OMG! Are you freakin’ serious??? Well, wait a minute … upon further investigation, it isn’t $9.99 a bottle, it’s $9.99 per pill The pill, just one, is a ridiculously freakin’ $9.99. For one!

What kind of freakin’ designer disease does my freakin’ dog have? Leave it to me to have a dog with an upscale illness. I need a dog with something we can fix with a quick trip through Wal-Mart! I need a Marshalls/Ross dog not a Saks/Nordstrom dog.

So, as I’m looking with amazement at the receipt that says $89 (which is what I paid for a freakin’ prescription for a freakin’ dog), I see the warning labels and all I could say was, “Really?”

MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS What does it matter if it causes drowsiness? The damn dog sleeps all day anyway. What? Is drowsiness going to keep him from doing his job effectively? Is he risking falling asleep at a meeting or something? He’s a freakin’ dog!!!!

The next one was even worse.

Avoid ALCOHOL. Do Not Drive if drowsy One thing we’ll never have to worry about with Joey is him blaming it on the alcohol. He’s a freakin’ dog! He drinks water, occasionally milk. I don’t even think he drinks juice, now he’s sipping booze? Now, he’s on a first name basis with Jose and Jack?

Oh, and then he’s not just drinking, now he’s driving. Not only is he a freakin’ dog, he’s a freakin’ toy poodle! Driving? Really? How can he navigate the pedals? Even when he’s sitting on the seat, he can barely see out of the windows. Don’t get me started on the fact that he can’t grip a steering with paws.

Is this part of what my freakin’ $89 is going towards, unnecessary warning stickers? Geez.

Joey is really lucky I love is designer-disease-having-drowsiness-inducing-expensive-ass-medicine-taking self.

Labels: Joey

posted by SDC @ 6:25 PM

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