Sweet, Dark and Crazy

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Newsflash: We Aren't Friends

If we were never friends or if we were once friends but the friendship ended poorly, then I don’t want to be your Facebook friend. It’s just that simple.

Case #1: My ex-boss, the one who was consistently rude to me, sent me a friend request a few weeks after I started working there. Really? You want to be my friend? You can’t even speak to me but you want to friend me? At the risk of getting even ruder treatment, I accepted her as my friend, then restricted the hell out of her so that she really couldn’t see much more than my profile picture. What if I want to rant on my wall about work? Or her? What if I want to put pictures of my drunken weekend escapades on my site? (Not that I have those but you get the point.)How could I do that with my boss looking? Of course, after the bitch fired me, I immediately un-friended her.

Case #2: One day, I’ll share the story with you of how I lost my virginity. Oh hell, I’ll just do it now. Without going into painfully-excruciating, teenage-angst-filled detail, I suffered from really, really low, practically non-existent self-esteem in high school. I was scared that I would be a virgin forever because I was a senior, I’d barely been kissed, and I’d had never had a boyfriend. Plus I had seen 80-year old virgins on Donohue so I knew a lifetime of virginity was possible.

At my school in the 80’s black girls weren’t in high demand by the black guys or any other guys for that matter. Then this guy, we’ll call him … Smedley, expressed an interest in me. I had no interest in Smeds whatsoever, unattractive was an understatement, I didn’t really even like him as a person, but he was on the football team. So we did it. It was lousy – so much so that we did it twice more to see if it got better, it didn’t.

Anyway, he told EVERYBODY in our small high school about it: football team, basketball team, cheerleaders, the nerds in my honors classes, and even the handful of potheads that sat in the corner of the cafeteria. I was humiliated.

And now, … he wants to be my friend.

I friended him just to be nosy. I wanted to see his photos. I saw several pictures of him and his ‘lovely’ (NOT) wife. Living well and LOOKING BETTER is the best revenge. Sure, I went through an ugly duckling phase - completely with braces, acne and questionable hair - but it was a phase! It’s over. Over I tell you! Unfortunately, it’s a way of life for Smeds!

Case #3: My friend Denny dodged a bullet about 10 years ago when she didn't marry her fiance. He'd been a cheater and all around ass. Anyway, several months after the fact, he calls her and tells her he doesn't feel like he owes her for any of the wedding expenses ... even though his cheating and other shit caused the wedding to be called off. She had to pay all of that off herself. Now, she's happily married to someone else with two gorgeous kids and guess who wants to be friends?

Time heals all wounds but that still doesn't mean I want some ass to that never was to now, all of the sudden, be my friend. Puh-leeze!

Labels: Friends, Internet Crap

posted by SDC @ 11:56 AM

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