Sweet, Dark and Crazy

Thursday, June 30, 2011

He's a Freakin' Dog!!!

So Joey recently celebrated his 12th birthday … which makes him 64 in dog years … NOT 84 (check out the dog age calculator). Anyway, he’s in good health to look at him. He still runs and jumps and get around with no problem.

However he was diagnosed about four years ago with a disease called Cushing’s. It’s a chronic condition he’ll have for the rest of his life. Lucky for him, it doesn’t cause any pain or discomfort. It is though, an expensive disease to treat. Blood work can cost upwards of $300 and let’s not talk about the medicine! On second thought, let’s talk about the medicine!

When we started, it was $43. Then, while getting a refill, last year, it went up to $59. Today, I go to pick up the prescription and it’s $89. Eighty nine freakin’ dollars for the dog’s Rx! What the hell! He has ‘pet insurance’ but it doesn’t cover prescriptions. Did I mention, I just paid, eighty nine freakin’ dollars for the dog’s Rx?

When I got back to work, I looked up the medicine on 1-800 Pet Meds and they had a bottle for $9.99! OMG! Are you freakin’ serious??? Well, wait a minute … upon further investigation, it isn’t $9.99 a bottle, it’s $9.99 per pill The pill, just one, is a ridiculously freakin’ $9.99. For one!

What kind of freakin’ designer disease does my freakin’ dog have? Leave it to me to have a dog with an upscale illness. I need a dog with something we can fix with a quick trip through Wal-Mart! I need a Marshalls/Ross dog not a Saks/Nordstrom dog.

So, as I’m looking with amazement at the receipt that says $89 (which is what I paid for a freakin’ prescription for a freakin’ dog), I see the warning labels and all I could say was, “Really?”

MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS What does it matter if it causes drowsiness? The damn dog sleeps all day anyway. What? Is drowsiness going to keep him from doing his job effectively? Is he risking falling asleep at a meeting or something? He’s a freakin’ dog!!!!

The next one was even worse.

Avoid ALCOHOL. Do Not Drive if drowsy One thing we’ll never have to worry about with Joey is him blaming it on the alcohol. He’s a freakin’ dog! He drinks water, occasionally milk. I don’t even think he drinks juice, now he’s sipping booze? Now, he’s on a first name basis with Jose and Jack?

Oh, and then he’s not just drinking, now he’s driving. Not only is he a freakin’ dog, he’s a freakin’ toy poodle! Driving? Really? How can he navigate the pedals? Even when he’s sitting on the seat, he can barely see out of the windows. Don’t get me started on the fact that he can’t grip a steering with paws.

Is this part of what my freakin’ $89 is going towards, unnecessary warning stickers? Geez.

Joey is really lucky I love is designer-disease-having-drowsiness-inducing-expensive-ass-medicine-taking self.

Labels: Joey

posted by SDC @ 6:25 PM 0 comments

Friday, June 24, 2011

Quirky

So my boss has a big bowl of plain M&Ms outside of her office. Mmmm, M&Ms. So I grab a big spoonful to eat at my desk and nearly everyone who passed by had something to say. I didn’t get the big deal.

You see, I have this thing. I separate my M&Ms by color and I eat them in order from my least favorite to my most favorite. I start with the brown. I have nothing against brown but they just stand out in a pile of brightly colored M&Ms. Then I go to Orange, then Yellow, then Green, then Red and then Blue. It’s just something I do.

I realize that they are M&M and not Skittles and they all taste the same. I do the same thing with Skittles though (starting with the Purple), it’s very hard to eat Skittles or M&Ms at the movie theater. I have to wait until a daylight scene so I can quickly pick out the same colors. It got to be a bit much so I don’t order them at the movies anymore.

Someone else talked about the time I was wasting. I’m not a preschooler trying to make sense of colors. It takes seconds, and a few seconds at that to separate my M&Ms.

I don’t do the same with meals. I don’t have to eat my peas separate from my mashed potatoes and all that but when it comes to candy, it’s just different. It’s a quirk.

Another quirk. I cannot go to sleep until all closet doors and dresser drawers are completely closed. My ex-BF used to leave one slightly open just because he knew I’d have to close it… What some people do for fun never ceases to amaze me.

The dog is quirky too. Joey spends half his day moving the food bowl around the floor. In the car, he doesn’t look out of the window when we’re driving. I’ve never seen a dog not look out the window while driving but he doesn’t.

Quirky dog. Quirky girl. What a pair!

Labels: Joey, Me

posted by SDC @ 7:37 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Weiner's Wiener

As a single girl, I live in fear of falling in love with a wonderful man with a terrible last name: Focker, Lipshitz, Sweats, or Butts. So I cringe every time I hear the story of Anthony Weiner. Weiner, a member of Congress, was enthusiastically showing his member to a young girl via Twitter. Now, it comes out that the married Congressman is sharing other photos with women on Facebook.

He swears he never had sexual relations with any of those women. My guess is that the pictures didn’t really help his cause. First of all, most women need more than a photo of a penis to get aroused and that particular penis isn’t anything to get excited about. The photo of his chest didn’t send me panting either.

So for the sake of stupid politicians, preachers, professional athletes and others in the public eye, here are some things not to do.

Take and Send Photos of Yourself
Sending lewd photos of yourself is stupid. Yes, I’m talking to you Bishop Eddie Long and Representative Weiner. If you are going to send some photos … be photo ready. Eddie Long was kinda buff ... but kinda not buff. Ergo, he should not send photos to other dudes, especially while wearing spandex. It’s just in bad taste.

Weiner would have been more impressive if his wiener had been a foot-long or at least a bun-length. While we are talking about Weiner’s wiener, if you are going to show the hot dog, show the hot dog! What was up with the tightie whities? With all the trouble this photo has cost him, he should have gone Full Monty!

Making a Sex Tape
Worse than photos. Unless you are attempting to enter the porn industry, a la Montana Fishburne, don’t be surprised when your ‘private’ video gets ‘leaked’ to the public. What did you expect? From Kim K to John Edwards, it’s going to get into the wrong hands. It’s not a matter of if but when. And don’t pull an R. Kelly and do some illegal stuff (sex with an underage girl) and film it. Ridiculous! Even more ridiculous than filming yourself in a bunch of unflattering positions, sans airbrushing, is the fake surprise and outrage from the celebrity when the video surfaces.

Scandalous Use of Social Media
Not a week goes by when we don’t hear of someone getting fired or starting off some sort of drama because of a Facebook post or an ill-advised tweet. I don’t get it. Is Facebook that addicting that you have to post your every thought, from major life choices to lunch choices online? It takes a conscious effort to post or send a pic or update your status but never does anyone stop and think, “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

Sexting and Emailing
Tiger, Ashton and Brett Favre know about this one. The jump-offs and skanks these guys are hooking up with are keeping those tawdry texts and sexy messages. Once the scandal breaks, they’ll be taking their cell phones and emails directly to Gloria Allred who will find something to sue somebody for.

Lying
After being dumb enough to take the pictures, write the emails, send the texts or make the video … basically creating their own evidence trail, these foolish celebs will turn around and lie about it. Dumb Asses! They’ll stand in front of a crowd of reporters and lie about it. They will get caught. Hell, by the time the press conference is called, they are already busted! So fess up. Own the ignorance. Embrace it. These scandals last two and three times as long as they should because the press loves to expose a lie.

Unfortunately, like Viagra, I think the story about Weiner’s wiener is going to last a little longer before it goes flaccid.

Labels: Men, Politics, Rant

posted by SDC @ 7:34 PM 0 comments

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Name: SDC
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About Me: I'm a youthful 44-year old, who is infectiously funny, dangerously smart, wildly creative, hopelessly math-phobic, tactfully honest, occasionally politically incorrect, and cute to boot!
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